"Hey Sis! What'chu doin' on Saturday..like 'butt-crack' early?"
This is what my girl, Kat, said when she called me that Thursday afternoon.
I answered. "Uh, nothing, why? What's up?"
Excitedly, she squealed, "I was just blessed with two bibs for the Cooper River Bridge Run! You wanna go?!"
Never mind the fact that I had just hours earlier asked her about going to Bokwa class with me on the same Saturday at 9 am, to which she replied, "No, it's the only time to 'sleep in,' or at least try!" Apparently, butt-crack early is an acceptable time on a Saturday morning for a wife and mom of two...but anyway.
Conveniently forgetting that she had just turned me down for Bokwa, I yelled, "Yes!"
Obviously, butt-crack early is also acceptable for me...a wife and mom of 8! Who knew?!
So I made sure my kids would be covered and excitedly prepared for a 6 mile long walk WITHOUT children in tow! YES! A dream come true! Which, now that I think about it, is probably why butt-crack early didn't seem so offensive. It was a chance to have some time to myself and with a great girlfriend.
That Saturday came, and we did it...we both participated in our very first 10K Bridge Run!
It was wonderful.
Power-walking on a beautiful day while having great conversation with a special friend...it was all I needed on an early Saturday morning.
And yet, I received so much more.
Inspiration surrounded me.
The fresh, spring air; the crisp, blue skies; the fluffy, white clouds; the gentle, cooling breeze; the feeling of being grounded, connected.
All of this surrounded me.
And as I neared the top of the bridge, this is what lay before me.
And then there were the messages...
Our conversation was great, but at some point it turned from more laughable, lighthearted topics to those a bit more serious and closer to home. We talked about family...its challenges...the obligations of supporting a loved one as they transition from one stage of life to the next.
I brought up my daughter and how she is currently transitioning from being a little girl to a young lady. This stage comes with emotions I've never felt before. I find myself feeling angry with her...angry with her for allowing the little girl I once knew fade away.
Silly. I know.
And she needs me right now. She needs me to persevere, to be strong, to do all I can, to fight the good fight, to have faith and to help her finish strong. She needs me to be her stairway...not to heaven...but definitely to the highest heights. She needs to be able to trust me to recognize her promise, lift her towards the sky and deliver her unto her greatness.
And then I saw this...
And then she did this...
My heart rejoiced and broke all at the same time. All the signs were there that day...and they all pointed to my daughter.
My daughter is at that age. She's trapped in this state of in-between...no longer a baby, not yet a lady. One moment, she's that sweet little girl...the next, a moody stranger with a rebellious attitude.
It's hard to deal with. So much fussing, behavior correcting and reprimanding goes on. And it makes me question if I'm doing the supportive part of my job. Am I there for her at the time when she needs me most? Am I holding her hand enough? Carrying her through?
You see, I know I am like the mother above--strong yet tender, guiding yet allowing. What I don't know is if I have been those things enough with her recently.
A large part of me just cant bear to let go of the little girl she once was. But I know the journey is inevitable. And I can either choose to join her or let her go it alone.
In my mind, her going it alone is far worse.
Sometimes our journey is not really about us.
Inspiration and thoughts of my daughter on the bridge run...